With the advent of the Nintendo Wii, games have taken on a new dimension of interactivity. Simple hand gestures are transformed into gracious movements on screen, allowing you to be immersed in a game like never before.Well, that was the plan; most Wii games are shit. This is mainly due to the developer's inability to think of a good use for the control system, or the poor application of said system when they do.
In an effort to improve the weak lineup for the Wii, I have thought long and hard about how this unique console could be best utilised. I have devised several games that, to me, would be perfectly suited for the heightened interactivity that this console has to offer. See what you think...
NintenDoherty1 player, Remote + nunchuk required. Custom attachment: syringe.
This is a winning idea, so much so that I can't believe that someone hasn't thought of it before. You play Babyshambles vocalist and celebrity drug dustbin Pete Doherty, and your quest is to continue to get high whilst staying a) out of the newspapers, b) out of jail, c) alive.
The Wii remote could be used adequately to simulate the action of chopping up a line of coke, and with the syringe attachement you could easily mimic the action of shooting up heroin; you could even use the cable for the nunchuk as a torniquet!
Play safe though kids - misjudge the hit and the game is over!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Play safe though kids - misjudge the hit and the game is over!
Wii School
2 players, remote required.
Ah, school days. The humble school provides the perfect setting for a whole host of Wii-related madness.
Using the remote in a sawing motion, you must try and best your friends by making the most impressive weapon in CDT, and then employing the resulting shuriken (because it was always shuriken everybody made) forcibly on the closest gimp's face. The finer your weapon, the more accurate and powerful it will be, leading to more points.
Another task could be seeing who can scratch 'Mr Brookes is a wanker' into their desk the most legibly in an alloted time. The possibilities are endless!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Beat the Wiife!1 player, remote + nunchuk required.
Since Stella Artois has become commonly available, wife beating has ceased to be the sole preserve of Northerners - now everyone is at it! You're ripped to the tits on firewater and your wife hasn't cooked your dinner - you do the maths.
Gripping the Wii remote tight, you must rain down blows on your other half. Each blow scores, with extra points given for style and imagination. Household items come into play; you can burn her with the iron, crack a broomstick over her head, scald her with a pot of boiling water, push her down the stairs... all with just a few deft flicks of the remote! Domestic violence has never been so fun!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wii Toss
Wii Toss
1-4 players, remote required.
Invite your friends and family round for a masturbation frenzy! See who can spaff the quickest by shaking the remote in an up-and-down fashion whilst lewd hentai images flash up on the screen! A surefire winner!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------Well, those are just a few ideas of mine. As you can see, the possibilities of this new console haven't even begun to be tapped. I must leave now as the nurse is here with my medication.
CRITE
No comments:
Post a Comment