Interesting Natura-Facts

Nature. The world is full of it; from the bottom of the deepest trench, to the top of the shallowest trench, the world is full of nature. Here are some interesting facts about it!

• Did you know: The Emperor Penguin is the gayest animal on earth? Even gayer than the Barbary Ape!

• Were you aware that: The humble Cockle, found on many of our Great British beaches, has the most piercing shriek in Southern England - even more piercing than that of a split child! It is so piercing that only glaziers can hear it, and only then if they are wearing canvas. The most piercing shriek on earth is possessed by the Common Mountain-Crab, which is so fierce that you can only listen to it when you are on the moon and all pissed up.

• You may or may not be interested to learn that the: Oiliest fucker in the whole of nature is the Fox Wasp, examples of which have been able to be seen to be able to worm their way out of tricky situations that they themselves put themselves in, themselves, approximately 100 million times a second!

• You are almost certainly well surprised: that: I am hundreds of thousands of times the size of an ordinary ant, yet it can steal and lift up an entire picnic, and the people who are having it, without them noticing. I'm pretty big and I can't do that! They get the blanket to stay straight and everything!

• Guess what?: Mice live half of their lives in the future - the first half! The other half is spent rutting and fucking about in tube stations, or getting given cancer and that.

• Apparently: The oldest living creature is Gaylord the Clam, a major tourist attraction at Swansea Zoo, who according to his rings (like what are in a tree) is around 490 Tri$$$$ion years of age! Owner Tristram Mulcahey claims that he had to spend three whole hours trying to keep the clam still while he counted Gaylord's rings, but was still uncertain after he got to seven. He gave 490 Tri$$$$ion as a rough 'guesstimate'. Good enough for us Tristram!

• I'll tell you something interesting - did: you know that the Hump-Backed Turkey is the creator of several useful things that we humans use every day; the Trowel, Reverse-Cowgirl, The Happy Mondays, Scat, Crop-Rotation, Tit-Suction, Mercy, Hangman, Anal, Chips, Rock-and-Roll and Clitoral Hood Piercing.

• You wouldn't credit it, but: The Piping Shrike is the most apathetic bird in the skies. It gives so little of a fuck about anything, that you could go up to it and snap it's mum's beak right in front of it and it would just look at you with a weary scowl and sigh, before turning back to it's laptop to watch online executions and wonder about why it is no longer even shocked at it all anymore.

• Why didn't you know, that: The Sea Otter, as well as using tummy stones to bust open shellfish, also uses Gall-stones to smash open cash machines?

• That's it for the now. I have to get back to work - these kids won't murder themselves!